fbpx

Other

Farcing Mt. Kenya… Again!

I got lost in Central Kenya. Yes, again. We got lost riding our bikes in Central Kenya. And we spent about five minutes laughing about it. We drove around in a circle, literally! That’s not a figure of speech, and I will tell you about it just now. I previously wrote about my experience getting lost in Othaya, and maybe one or two people thought it was fiction. Well, this time, I had a witness, my friend Timam, the one I rode with to Moyale last December. (I will upload this story too soon.)

It’s Saturday morning, as early as 8.30am, and the day is already not going well. Timam and I are to ride to Embu to attend the wedding service of a friend of mine, whom I shall call Beth. The service starts at 10.30am.

I have been fixing up my bike for three days, and I’m pretty sure it’s now in good shape.

Swing arm has to come out to install endless drive chain. And for that, a host of other things have to come out, including oil tank!!

Copper grease on shaft splines helps to prevent bad things from happening.

Fresh clutch friction plates.

As naked as she was born.

But then, just when I’m all dressed up to leave, the bike loses power. It can’t even climb the little step at the gate. I call Timam and ask him to give me a few minutes to change out the spark plugs. About half an hour later, the bike is good, and ready to roll.

Her Majesty, back on her feet.

On the way to Embu.

We arrive at the wedding venue in Embu at about 12.30pm. We are told that the bride just arrived a few minutes ago so we won’t miss much. I take some photos at the wedding.

Beth’s wedding.

Beth’s wedding.

We really don’t pay full attention to the wedding. We are hush hush discussing how hot the bride is…

Braaping out of the wedding venue (and kinda stealing the show) 🙂

We decide to take lunch in Nyeri, then head back Nairobi through Othaya. We stop at Mr. Horn’s to say hi. I had promised him last time that if I ever pass here again, I will stop and say hi. He is not as jovial today, business does not look good.

“There was a passing out parade here at Kiganjo yesterday,” he says. The whole road in front of his business was filled with parked vehicles, and therefore he did no business the whole day.

It starts raining, we stop for Timam to put on his catsuit.

Mr. Horn.

We stop at Chaka to eat before continuing on our way through Nyeri town.

We fuel at Nyeri. As we leave, I ask Timam to go ahead, and he says ok. I assume he knows the way, and he thinks I know the way because I got lost there before (roll eyes). And that’s how our problems begin.

We ride away from Nyeri and take a right turn. Then we ride past a left turn, the place I came out of last time I got lost in Othaya. Timam is ahead, and I smile in my helmet because I think this time I’m assured of not getting lost. It’s 6pm. We ride for about 30 minutes before Timam stops. I stop by him, and he asks in that Nigerian accent: “Do you no deh whey?”

“What? I was following you, I thought you knew the way!”

“I thought YOU knew the way, I kept signalling you to pass and go ahead!”

“Shit… Where are we now?”

We call over a man walking to ask him where we are.

“Is this the road to Othaya?” we ask.

“Oh yes!” He replies confidently. We are happy! But then he adds: “But you have to go to Nyeri first, then go to Othaya.”

We are like…

WHAT?!

“Yeah, don’t worry, you are not lost! Just go to Nyeri, then Othaya. It’s straight forward!”

“But we just came from Nyeri!”

Continue reading...

Enjoying this story? If you already registered an account, please Log in to continue reading.

If you have never registered an account, please Register one to continue reading.

NOTE: You will ALSO need a PREMIUM Membership upgrade to fully access PREMIUM stories.

The birth of a Japanese model

Location: Japan, some years ago…

The executives are seated around the giant table, stern creased faces all round. The matter at hand is heavy. They whisper to each other in hushed voices, covering the side of their mouths with one hand, and giving slow, deliberate nods after each whisper.

Boss Chan walks in. Chairs creak and scuffle about, as their occupants shoot to their feet in a swiftness that defies their ages.

“Haaach!” they say harshly, bowing slightly at Boss Chan.

Boss Chan waves them down, the large sleeves of his yukata flowing regally in the air. They all sit is unison, as if Boss Chan’s hand has pushed them into their seats. They don’t look at him, but each stares straight ahead, into the air. No more whispers going around.

Boss Chan’s voice is heavy, guttural, commanding… It reverberates against the painted walls and echoes around the room, saturating everything in its immensity…

“You know why we are here!” says Boss Chan, taking time to look around at each of them. They don’t flinch or look at him. They just stare straight ahead. “We have to name our model to-day!” His fist punches the air. You can almost hear air scream as it moves away. “It has to be a memorable name! Something our generations will remember and be proud of!”

“HAAAACH!”

“Something that will bring Japan glory and honour!”

“HAAAAAAACH!”

Boss Chan strokes his white beard and twitches his white eyebrows. The large patterned sleeves of his yukata flap, making a pop sound as he stretches out his hands.

“Suggestions are welcome!” he announces.

“HAAAAACH!

One of the men around the table shoots to his feet, so fast and so abruptly, it’s a miracle he doesn’t get a bit airborne…

“I suggest Home Car,” he says, bowing a bit, his hands clasped together in utmost respect. He sits. There is a moment of silence. Boss Chan begins to look exasperated…

“I know this is hard,” says Boss Chan. “We have had so many models, it’s becoming difficult to find names! But let’s not become stupid! Our models don’t stay at home! And we don’t want the word car in their names!”

Boss Chan starts pacing about the room a bit. The men are now looking at him, and they fix their stares at him as he paces about. It looks as if they are all doing unison neck exercises…

“We must find a name that suggests comfort! That people will love! That is easy to say! That is…”

Suddenly the unthinkable happens! One of the men interrupts Boss Chan. No one ever, EEEVVVVVEEERRRRR, interrupts Boss Chan.

The man shoots to his feet, fast, gets a bit airborne, and lands back on the floor. His right hand is in the air, he has a brilliant idea that has him so excited to the point of defying protocol…

“How about Car Seat?”

There’s a moment of silence. Everyone stares at him in horror! Not only did he interrupt Boss Chan, his idea has car in it, and is stupid too…”

error: